Chapter 5 - A Pair Of Fireflies

Matthew had just watched the sun disappear behind the trees across the lake in the park, and had watched in fascination as the water changed from blue to orange to fiery red and finally black.

A cricket chirpped incessantly nearby. Sparrows fluttered noisily in the surrounding trees, obviously preparing to retire for the night after a long, hard day. Shadows grew longer and darker. A pair of fireflies suddenly lit up and flew over Matt's head from behind, then proceeded to make their way across the calm black water.

At times like this, Matthew felt he could hear the faintest whisper of the voice he so longed to hear. Drifting towards him on the water from somewhere beyond the lake. Sometimes he felt a sudden chill and shivered, wondering if he had imagined it or if he had just really felt a strange presence pass by. A cold shiver ran up his spine. Maybe people did manage to hang around even long after they had been laid to rest. Maybe he was indeed being watched.

A pair of hands suddenly grabbed him on each of his shoulders, startling him. Janice laughed, and then walked around the bench and sat down beside him. She wiggled a bit, arranged her hair, stretched out her legs and then crossed them, folded her hands neatly in front of her, then sniffed the air before taking in a deep breath and then finally exhaling. Then she looked at Matthew and smiled. Matthew scowled back. He thought she was invading his private moment. Janice only smiled harder, and he turned away to gaze out at the water.

"You're jumpy today," Janice remarked, as though they had been friends for ages, even though she had hardly known him a few days.

Matthew made no attempt to make a reply.

"So," she pressed on undeterred, drooling on the word in a way that immediately irked Matt, "what are you doing out here all by yourself?"

Matthew did not feel obligated to answer, because it really was no business of hers, but Janice was looking at him with such expectation that he felt hard-pressed to say something.

"Sitting."

Janice blinked rapidly. Then she burst out laughing. Matthew thought she was raving mad.

"You're very funny, Matthew Newson," she said between hysterical gasps. Matthew struggled to understand which part of the word "sitting" was packed with such humorous content.

"But you're too quiet," Janice went on. "You should talk more often."

Matthew looked at her. She knew nothing. Nothing at all.

"Otherwise you'll never have any friends. You must feel pretty lonely at times, don't you?"

You have no idea.

"Everyone's gotta have someone they can be with without having to hide anything. Someone you can fully trust and share everything with."

The evening was very quiet. It was a full moon night. Matthew shifted his gaze momentarily to a toad that was sitting just at the edge of the water. It appeared to be thinking deeply about something. Matthew wondered what.

"Matthew, don't you ever wish you had someone you could talk to?"

Matthew looked up. The truth was, that was just everything he ever wanted. But everyone he had tried to approach seemed to never understand. They just looked at him as if he had just revealed a really ugly deformity in him. They nodded their heads and said the nicest friendly words, but he could see that they were really clueless. That they could never understand him.

"Matthew?" Janice looked concerned when she saw him drop his head.

All the things he could never say. All the feelings he could never express. All the memories he could never forget. All the pain and anguish he could never get rid of. Tumbling together, mixing and churning, entwined forever in a never-ending war inside of him.

"I want to be your friend, Matthew," said Janice at last. She could see that he was shaking. He was lonely after all. "You can tell me everything."

Matthew jerked up suddenly and Janice sat up straight.

"I-I was so happy when I received your note, because I thought that someone had finally noticed and understood me."

Janice was surprised to see that Matthew was crying. He looked so broken and weary. Like something huge and invisible had been placed on his back, pulling him down. Suddenly she knew what she wanted.

"I thought that you'd understand, but you're just hopeless. You'll never understand. Because you're just like the rest of them."

He was choking back on tears but he didn't care. Words were tumbling out on their own. Bitter.

"So just leave me alone! Like I was!"

Like I'll always be.

"Matthew, I--"

"You're wasting your time with me!"

Janice finally knew. That she wanted to help him.

"No, I'm not! Matthew, you don't need to be alone. There are people who care. Give them a chance."

Matthew laughed with sarcasm.

"You don't know what it's like to live without--"

Janice waited but Matthew never finished his sentence. They sat in silence for a long time. But in the end, nothing more was said. Because there simply was nothing to say. Janice bid goodnight and left, wondering just what it was that Matthew wanted. She was trying her best to understand but there was a barb-wire fence surrounding him. She just couldn't get through. She sighed inwardly and briskly walked down the deserted street that would lead her home.

Matthew remained at the lake a while longer before finally standing up and turning to go home. His heart was still aching. He cursed himself. For letting himself cry. For being so cold. But there was just no way she'd understand.

Because she'd never know how it feels.

To live without a father.

Chapter 4 - Shattered Glass

There was a loud bang on the door and a man screamed from the other side. Then he cursed loudly and started banging again. William heard a pair of light footsteps rush by just outside his bedroom door. His heart was pounding heavily. He knew what was coming. Quietly he stood up from his table, tiptoed to the door, and listened. There was a loud yell and he jumped back from the door. Sweat trickled down his face. He swallowed hard.

Suddenly a woman screamed. That was it! He opened the door and stepped out into the landing. Down below, his mother lay curled up on the floor, sobbing. A man stood above her, wavering unsteadily on his feet, undoubtedly inebriated. He was holding an empty bottle above his head, threatening to hit her.

William ran down the stairs just as his father started to call out his name in a loud, intoxicated voice.

"You and your mother can sleep outside tonight!" he yelled, flinging the bottle across the room. It had been intended to hit Will but his present condition greatly affected his aim and instead flew straight towards a glass bookshelf, shattering it and scattering pieces of broken glass all around.

Susan screamed, and Edward screamed at her. William ran over and held his mother. He helped the sobbing Susan to her feet and away from his father, but failed to escape the sudden kick and it struck his face with all its intended might. Edward stumbled forward and collapsed on the floor. He was fast asleep.

William sat down on the couch beside his mother and put a comforting arm around her. She had calmed down a bit, but still couldn't stop the tears streaming down her flushed face. Her hair was in a mess and her nightgown was ruffled and ripped at her left shoulder. She sat very still. Anyone who saw her then wouldn't believe she was only 36. She bore the look of one who had once dreamt big but now had nothing. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her gown.

"Oh! William . . ." she said at last in a weak, trembling voice. A solitary tear trickled off her right eye and swiftly traced a path down her face. She made no attempt to disturb its silent journey.

William tightened his hold on his mother and quickly wiped his own eyes with his other hand. How had things become this crazy? When? He could clearly remember how, once upon a time, they were living happily. How they had imagined "ever after" was just guaranteed to follow.

William felt his mother tremble.

Everything had fallen apart. Everything. Now he couldn't trust anything, because he feared it would betray them any given moment. Like everything else had. There was nothing, no one to turn to. In the end, the only thing he could ever hope to trust was his own heart.

"William . . . I don't know what to do!"

He closed his eyes. 'Yes, you do,' he said in his heart.

But you're afraid.

Like me.

Chapter 3 - Collision Course!

"I think he likes me!" declared Janice, slamming her locker door shut with a little more force than was necessary, as though it somehow patented her claim.

"Maybe," said Susan, feigning the utmost disinterest. She couldn't tell if what she was feeling was jealousy, not that she hadn't envied her friend before. Because in her eyes, Janice was everything she ever wished she could be. Pretty. Sassy. Confident. Fairly popular. Compared to her, Susan just seemed to fade away.

Janice, however, was too elated today to notice the bitter tears that were starting to well up in Susan's eyes. She kept talking and talking all the way down the corridor to the class. Matthew Newson had suddenly become the sun of her solar system. Susan just sighed and turned away to dry her eyes. There was, after all, nothing she could do, was there?

"Hey! Susan!"

Both Susan and Janice stopped in their tracks and turned around to face the boy, who was jogging up to them. He was quite tall--or atleast taller than Janice, who was considered very tall; slightly tanned; had short blonde hair; was grinning from ear to ear, displaying two rows of perfect pearly white teeth; and had the faintest hint of a blush as he handed the stupefied Susan a notebook.

"Your notes on English Literature," he said, when Susan made no effort to reach out and take the book. "Thanks a ton! I practically nailed today's test with this!"

Susan, whose mind had been lost to her, finally gathered her wits and instantly remembered lending her English Literature notes to someone last Wednesday. She visibly shook herself free from her trance and took the book. Now she remembered it fully! His name was--

"Will, William Archer, right?" Janice said, smiling broadly.

"Right," said William with a slight nod. "And you must be Susan's friend, Janice."

Janice scowled inwardly. Nobody, absolutely nobody, said "Susan's friend, Janice". It was always "Janice's friend, Susan". And for a very good reason, she thought. Nevertheless, she smiled in acknowledgement.

Because, she reasoned, you simply don't scowl when a pretty boy recognises you.

"Anyway," said Will, gesturing towards the end of the corridor from where he had come running, "I gotta go now. Kinda runnin late for my History."

Susan and Janice nodded together.

"So I'll see you around then," he said, taking a step backward, then smiled shortly before breaking into a run down the corridor and disappearing up the stairs.

"You know him too?" asked Susan as the duo walked to their class.

"Of course! I bet I just made enemies with half the girls in school for that hot conversation I just had with him. I say half because not everyone is fortunate enough to be worthy of such exquisites."

'As predictable as she could be,' Susan smirked inwardly. She could hold up her head high for once, because this time, whatever Janice might say, there was no mistaking the tiniest hint of jealousy in her voice. Because William had definitely blushed for Susan. And Janice had definitely seen it.

"Susan," said Janice, when they were at the door. Susan turned her head inquiringly.

"I'm going over to sit with Matthew."

Susan blinked.

"So I'll see you after class."

With that, Janice walked to the back of the class and Susan headed to the two empty seats in the second row on the left where they always sat. Clarence, who was sitting next to her, looked at her blankly, obviously wondering where Janice was.

'From here on, Janice,' she said to herself, 'I'll have to learn to stand on my own.'

When class was over, Janice walked over to where Susan was still gathering her books.

"Do you really need to carry this many books to and fro everyday?" she asked, akimbo. "The lockers are pretty secure, you know."

"Well, I can't telepathically peek into them from home, can I?" answered Susan, rising from her seat with a hefty bag behind her and an armful of books in front.

Janice sighed. She just couldn't figure out how on earth Susan managed to ace through all the assignments, projects and tests, even the surprise ones. Even if she worked twice as hard as Susan did, she doubted if she could produce half as much. Susan truly was a walking library, with every fact and theory tucked neatly into her brain, perhaps categorized into folders and sub-folders. Janice blinked. This was all too much for her brain to process at the moment.

They went home.

Matthew was the last to leave the room. Almost like an apparation, he slowly made his way out the door, when--

"Hey, watch where you're--"

A pile of books came tumbling to the floor like a cascading waterfall. Both boys lay sprawled on the floor. Matthew shook his head dizzily and looked at the tall, slightly tanned, blonde-haired boy who was not grinning at all, and most definitely not blushing.

"Sorry," he mumbled, and began gathering the other's books.

"It's okay," said Will, receiving the books back. "I was running blindly I guess. Didn't expect anyone else to be around."

He finally smiled. Broadly. From ear to ear. Matt looked confused at first, then allowed a tiny smile to creep into his face.

They walked down the corridor, out the building, and finally out the gate where they parted ways in total silence. Never expecting to bump into each other again.

Neither of them knew at that time.

That fate was already at work.
That busy hands had already set to task.

Because things as rare as this are seldom allowed to go unnoticed. Or undisturbed.

But if they knew, what could they have done? What 'would' they have done?

The future is an ever-receding mist of roaring thunder. The wise stay clear of its devilry on the safe side.

Chapter 2 - Table For Three!

Matthew stared at the pale-faced, sweat-drenched, half-trembling girl that stood before him. He arched a querying eyebrow and the girl vigorously shook her head before swiftly placing a piece of paper on his desk. Her hand had shot out so quickly that Matt almost raised his hand to thwart an attack. He stared at Susan in slight bewilderment. Not just because of how she was looking at that moment, but because no one had ever approached him before, for any reason whatsoever. And also because, with all honesty, he thought she looked very ill.

"I-It's from J-Ja-Janice." Then she was gone.

Matt took his time examining the neatly folded chit, much to the impatience of Janice, who was looking out of the corner of her eye and unknowingly increasing the tempo of her tapping on her desk until it reached a point where Susan had to reach out and restrain her fingers.

He was curious, no denying. He slowly unfolded the paper. The note wasn't very long.

"Hi, Matthew! My name is Janice. I've been watching you"--Matt paused to allow a scowl to creep into his face--"and I want to know more about you. I'm the girl smiling at you at the front of the"--he looked up and sure enough saw Janice waving at him, all smiles--"class. Let me know if you want to meet up. Janice."

He neatly folded the note back along the creased lines and placed it gently on one corner of his desk. And never looked up.

Janice's jaw dropped. Sure, she wasn't the most popular girl in school, but was that all he could manage? Being the short-ended that she was, a thousand flaming swords threatened to simmer up her throat and out her mouth. Couldn't he atleast smile back and/or shake his head? Fine, he just wasn't good enough for her anyway!

Susan, who knew her temper best, grabbed her arm and gave her a dead-stare.

"What did you expect?" she asked. "Throw himself at your feet? Leave him alone, maybe that's just what he wants."

Susan's words struck a chord. To be alone? Is that what he wants? He did look very content and almost grateful to not be bothered by anyone. Janice simply did not get it. What was it with this guy?

Her temper had not simmered down completely the next day. In fact, Susan's first words to her that morning was a comment on her foul mood.

"Who does he think he is?" Janice snapped back, and Susan, who knew better, wisely remained silent.

The topic was still being abused during the lunch break when a pair of footsteps that had been going past her--and which should have gone on ahead--suddenly stopped right behind her back. When she did not hear it leaving after several seconds, she spun around sharply and found herself gazing into a pair of bright blue eyes.

"Hi!" said the beaming tousled-haired boy, carrying a lunch-tray. "Mind if I join you?"

Janice awkwardly cleared her throat, snapping rather shakily out of her hazy reverie.

"No, no, not at all!" she said, a tad too enthusiastically, and then quickly made efforts to calm down. "We've got plenty of room over here."

Susan prepared to leave--because she felt she should, and also because Janice was giving her the "Shoo! Make way!" glare--when Matt stopped her.

"What, you're running away?"

"Um, no, no, I just thought I'd better . . ."

"It's not like the two of us are on a date or anything . . ."

Susan smiled sheepishly and slowly sat back down.

"About yesterday, I'm--" began Matt, but Janice immediately laughed it away.

"Don't worry about it! It was nothing, really . . ."

Susan stared at her friend in utter disbelief. Hadn't she just been telling her about her most recent resolution to end his life for that? Now she couldn't care less?

"If you say so . . ." Then turning to Susan: "And you forgot to tell me your name yesterday."

"Ah, yes . . ." said Susan in a near-whisper, smiling very embarrassedly. Then her smile evaporated at Janice's glare. "It's Susan."

"Susan, really? That's my mom's name as well!"

If she had blushed before, then this time her face turned fully pink. She tried to cover up with one of Janice's confident laughs, but in the end her efforts passed as whimpers and gasps.

Janice was already fuming. The conversation was picking up without her. She cleared her throat very loudly and drew back all the attention to her. When both Matt and Susan were finally looking at her, she smiled, satisfied. Now to begin.

"Now, tell me more about you, Matthew Newson," she purred, leaning out across the table and supporting her head on her upright arm.

Matt blushed a little and smiled.

And Susan hadn't failed to notice that Janice had said "me" instead of "us".

Chapter 1 - First Encounters

A simple twist of fate, that was just what it was. But you could read it along an entirely different line if your mind was so bent. Because sometimes in life things happen at a point when you least expect them, some things that rattle you to your very core, things that make you wonder if the purpose of your whole life before then was to simply lead up to that very point. Things that make you glad you made the choices you made, and for all the things you had to go through. And when that happens, all you can do is surrender yourself and allow it to consume you, hoping it will last a lifetime. Praying desperately and clinging on to something divine. It makes you feel almost above human, because such things rarely happen to people.

Matthew was hardly enthusiastic when the new school year started. He was seventeen, and the least thing of interest on his mind was having to go through the whole process of settling into a new environment, making new friends, and the like that inadvertently came with moving to a new place, not that he had ever had much 'friends' to begin with. He hated it. But he had no complaints whatsoever about the move itself because it meant the family could finally be together. His father had been transferred the previous year and it had literally split the family then, but his parents had thought it best to let him finish the school year before moving. So he and his mother had stayed behind in Old Burrow while his father moved to Distantville.

But now they were together. Matthew smiled happily. At last . . .

He was lying on his back on the bed, staring up at the pale yellow ceiling. The hardest thing--in fact, the 'only' thing that had caused him some pain--had been saying goodbye to Janice. It had been so hard that he had even considered not telling her and quietly slipping away. But he did manage to face her at last and convey the bitter news.

He could remember it vividly. As vivid as the black dot(which was actually a group of ants dragging a dead insect) that had just entered his line of sight and was making its way across the vast pale yellow canvas.

Or like the sudden thunderous pace his heart had just adopted.

She had looked stricken at first, but kept her calm.

"It's okay, Matt," she said, forcing a trembling smile. "I know how much this means to you, so I'm happy for you."

"You know I love you . . ." said Matt, almost desperately.

"Yeah, I know . . . I love you too."

They were sitting on their favourite bench in the park, overlooking an eerily still lake. A sudden gust of wind showered them with crisp brown autumn leaves. One of them landed on Jan's auburn hair and Matt gently lifted it. He wanted to say something but words betrayed him.

"We'll keep in touch though . . ." said Jan after an awfully long period of silence. It was more of a query than a statement.

"Uh . . . yeah, of course," said Matt, straightening up.

Jan looked at him with a slightly puzzled expression on her face. Even after two years of being together, there was something about Matt she just couldn't understand. Given Matt was unlike anyone she had ever known. But still . . .

When she first saw him, he was sitting all by himself by the edge of the lake they were now at. Lost in a world of his own. She had watched him a good fifteen minutes and he didn't move an inch the whole while. She came back the next day, and the next, for a whole week. Nothing changed. He always sat at that same spot and stared out at the still water. Something about him fascinated her. She wanted to know more about him.

Then she saw him one day, albeit at a different place, and one that completely took her by surprise. She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw that same boy sitting all by himself at the back of her class. He seemed so at peace, staring calmly at something on his desk. She was looking at him so attentively that she even noticed a small twitch in his lower lip once.

Susan nudged her back to reality.

"We gotta go, Jan!"

"Uh . . . right . . ." She hurriedly gathered her books and left.

She watched him closely. It was almost like stalking, but she just couldn't help it. That mysterious boy, who was he? The only thing she knew was his name: Matthew Newson. Even his name seemed to her to resonate with some mysterious aura. As far as she had seen, he had no friends whatsoever, never engaged in any sort of communication--verbal or otherwise--with anyone, and kept to himself all the time.

Two weeks later, she finally scribbled a note and passed it to him. Susan, to whom the task had been assigned, stared at her as though something unearthly had suddenly started growing on her face.

"Just do it!" she hissed, and the girl zombied her way to the back of the class and then quietly back to her seat.

"What was that all about?" demanded Susan in an angry whisper, wiping sweat from her brow.

Janice shrugged. Susan gave her the stare again.